There Is No Plan

Fire Geithner, Fire Bernanke, Fire that Assistant Under Secretary in the Wot-not department!

Yes, it’s the season of the Political Pinkslip.

And I’ve got a new Pink Slip all printed up.

Someone call Axelrod and get him over to Human Resources, pronto.

Cut to his exit interview. We join it mid-way in.

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HUMAN RESOURCES

David, what were you thinking? I mean you totally dropped the ball.

DAVID (sniffing, he was crying earlier)

Barack shares a ton of the blame for this, but we thought, you know that bi-partisanship would be popular with the people. You know they’re always saying how they want us to ‘work together to solve America’s problems’.

HUMAN RESOURCES

And you believed them.

DAVID

We’re not supposed to listen? You can’t blame me for listening. Jeez.

HUMAN RESOURCES

Dave, there was a massive populist tsunami on the horizon and you missed it. The people are confused. They just want an enemy. You know, someone to blame. And you guys didn’t point the finger. That’s the reason we’re letting you go.

DAVID

Oh, and who’s the enemy we missed?

HUMAN RESOURCES

Wall Street. The people got stiffed. In 2009 Unemployment skyrocketed, and so did the Dow. Bonuses, bailouts, sweetheart deals with AIG. You name it. That GOP pretty boy tapped into the independents in Massachusetts and exploited their anger, and you lost your super majority.

DAVID

One word. Coakley.

HUMAN RESOURCES

Granted she was a poor candidate, and you should have done something about that. You got complacent. You thought she was a shoo-in.

DAVID

Great, I’m being fired for thinking we’d win Massachusetts.

HUMAN RESOURCES

No you’re being fired for taking chances at a critical time. If the President you put to work in the last week, at the State of the Union, and in that GOP meeting had been working the line for the last nine months pounding Wall Street, Coakley could have ridden his coattails. It might have been close, but you didn’t nationalize that campaign. You let local personalities define the difference between getting the Senate healthcare bill through and losing it.

DAVID

Can we talk about my severance package?

HUMAN RESOURCES

And one more thing. Your boss made a big deal about not getting it right on healthcare, not listening, not getting in front of it. But that’s your fault. The guy listens to you. Why weren’t you getting him on the road earlier, fronting for this thing?

DAVID

Like that would’ve worked.

HUMAN RESOURCES

It might have if you’d sent your guy to healthcare town halls in Connecticut and Nebraska. He made the GOP house caucus look like third graders yesterday. You’re saying that charming the people, firing back at the hecklers, and being a real stand-up guy wouldn’t have influenced Lieberman and Nelson. This President is tailor-made for the bully pulpit, and you didn’t sic him onto the bad guys until it was too late.

DAVID

If he’s such a smart guy why didn’t he figure it out.

HUMAN RESOURCES

Ever heard the term “surplus to requirements”?  Enjoy your flight back to Chicago.

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